Where The Bunnies Roam

Where The Bunnies Roam

On March 18, 1982, a little boy was born in St. Louis, Missouri. His parents had already picked out a name for him prior to his birth, Maxwell Honeycutt. But his grandmother on his father’s side, who was a full blooded Sioux Indian, had other plans for him. She knew this boy was going to be different from all the other little boys, and so just before his birth she gave him a spiritual name, “Runs With Bunnies.” And Maxwell “Runs With Bunnies” Honeycutt ended up quite different from the other little boys. Maxwell was born with ears that were not your average ears. His ears were extremely long and floppy like a bunny. Maxwell, also had a little tail. Well, the tail was more like a nub, a long nub that extended out from his tail bone. Furthermore, what made this tail so cute was that his tail wiggled from side to side whenever he was happy or anxious. But the most interesting discovery came six years later when Maxwell was diagnosed with schizophrenia, as he began to think and believe he was a bunny and started wearing bunny suits on the regular--at home, at school, school plays, at church, and even when he went to bed. There was never a time Maxwell wasn’t wearing his bunny suit. Maxwell’s diet changed too as his bunny transformation progressed, as he became a vegetarian and only ate carrots and celery, and on special occasions like let’s say Thanksgiving, Momma would make him a special fruit salad. On the subject of special, because Maxwell’s bunny transformation was progressing at alarming rate, the multiple doctors that studied and analyzed Maxwell, agreed that his behavior was his way to cope with his so-called “birth defects.” In short, Maxwell was forcing his transformation into becoming a reality.
So as you might have guessed, Maxwell didn’t have any friends at school or in the community. Most of the people in his neighborhood and everyone at school, including the administration, used to laugh at him and called him names because he wore a bunny suit to school. And will he was just different physically, mentally, socially, and fashionably. “Runs With Bunnies,” had a plethora of bunny suits of all different colors. You name the color he had it, and his favorite bunny suits were the colors pink and purple, and he wore these colors mostly on Fridays. Fridays were his favorite part of the week because he didn’t have to bullied by the kids at school over the weekend, so these colors were more like a “up yours, it’s Friday” on many levels. Maxwell’s haters also laughed and made fun of him because he hopped around like a bunny from class to class and destination to destination. Fortunately, he did have loving, supportive parents and other family members, especially his grandma, who offered much encouragement and the confidence he needed to be successful in school and in life.
And boy did Maxwell succeed. At every grade level he had the highest grades in the class and was involved in just about every extra-curricular activity the school had to offer. In high school, Maxwell not only was Valedictorian but he was Captain of the Latin Team, the Spanish Team, the French Team, the German Team, Captain of the Chess Club, Physics Club, the Poetry Club, the Fencing Club, the Ping-Pong Club, the Uno Club, and the Golf Team--his favorite sport. His favorite golfer on the tour was Greg “The Shark” Norman, mostly because he was afraid of sharks. After all he was a little bunny rabbit. “I’m ssskkared,” he would shout every time Norman came on the TV. Moreover, during Maxwell’s senior year in high school he faced a discovery that was somewhat alarming but in a good way. After golf practice he was in the locker room taking his shower with some of the other male athletes when he was suddenly overwhelmed with hot flashes and became aroused. Luckily, the other boys didn’t notice his erection through his bunny suit because he surely would have been humiliated across the school campus and completely traumatized for life, perhaps? Later on that evening after dinner he approached his Pop about what happened in the showers.
“Hey Pop, can I talk to you?”
“Most certainly.” Pop stated as he wiggled into his favorite recliner.
Maxwell stood there pondering to find the right words, “Well, I don’t know how to say this so I am just going to say it. While I was taking my shower after golf practice, I suddenly became overheated and aroused when I was checking out the naked bodies of the other boys…......I am really confused, Pop.”
Pop straightened up and out of his recliner and leaned into Maxwell, “Son, what you experienced is perfectly alright. Your different, Son.”
“I don’t want to be different. I want to be normal like everyone else.”
“But you are, Son. In my eyes you are normal. You’re my little homosexual bunny, and I love you very much.”
Maxwell was perplexed. “What does homosexual really mean? I don’t understand.”
“Well Max, if you must know homosexuality is the romantic or sexual attraction or behavior among members of the same sex.”
“Oh….you mean like Rosie O’Donnell. Or when boy dogs hump on other boy dogs.”
Pop laughed, “No not quite. But that’s funny.”
Maxwell bit his upper lip and stated, “Well, thanks Pop for talking with me.”
“No problem, Max. Just remember I will always love you, my little gay bunny.”
“I love you too, Pop.”
It was at this point that Maxwell realized that not only was he a bunny but he was a gay bunny. However, Maxwell started to have these common feelings that everyone goes through in life. “Is there someone out there for me?”
Maxwell, experienced some love interest throughout his adult life from college to present time, but his experience was only one sided as all of his love interest were not interested in poor, Maxwell. Maxwell was just different from everyone. He battled bouts with depression on random nights because of the emptiness in his heart. But unlike some of us that emptiness didn’t slow down Max, as he continued his focus on his education which he later graduated tops in his class from the University of Missouri. And later got his Masters in Business at the University of Penn State. Shortly, after graduation he began to take more of an interest in becoming an insurance salesman. You ask why insurance? Well, still today Max doesn’t even know why he chose the insurance salesmen path. I guess since he had never loved or felt loved by someone other than his family, the term “insurance” made him feel safe. After graduate school, Maxwell ended up joining the biggest insurance company in St. Louis, and later became the best insurance salesman in the city of St. Louis, maybe even in the state some would say. I mean who could resist a highly educated bunny….not I. That’s why he’s my insurance salesman.
Despite his success with his healthy annual income, high rise condo in the heart of the downtown, two nice brand new cars, and his great closet full of designer suits and shoes, he was still very empty inside. Material items as such were not doing the trick anymore the emptiness was growing and was becoming more evident in his eyes and in his work. One night after supper he opened up a bottle of wine and put on one of his favorite records, Depeche Mode’s “101.” Two bottles later Depeche Mode’s “Somebody,” blared into his sad floppy ears and down to his empty heart, and he began to feel lonely and neglected, as he danced and paraded around his condo trying on some new clothes he had bought earlier in the day from Neiman Marcus. Finally, the song ended and Max decided, “I need to get the hell out of here……RIGHT NOW.” That Depeche Mode song is quite a sad song in case you haven’t heard it before. And so he grabbed his favorite cashmere sweater and hopped down the street to his local bar, 04 Lounge. The bar was hopping distance from his condo. Max was a regular there and so everyone accepted his gay bunny demeanor, especially the older Mexican men that frequent the joint. Max sold them a great health insurance package, so they always bought him beers or his favorite drink, a michelada with a Bud Lime.
As soon as Maxwell walked into the bar he was greeted kinda like Norm from Cheers. “Yeah, it’s Max!!!” Everyone shouted. Sure the greeting was pleasant, which always was the case, but not today. Max hopped up to the bar and immediately the bartender, Brandy, got to work on his favorite drink.
“I really like your color today, Max.” Brandy smiled.
“Thank you, Brandy.”
“What’s wrong, Max? I can tell something is wrong. Your ears are down.”
“Girlfriend, I don’t think I will ever meet someone like me….ever.”
Brandy shook her head. “Don’t say that. You are tryin’ to hard. It’s a competitive world. Even for love. Even for bunnies.”
“Please. I am a gay bunny, Brandy. How can I possibly find love?”
Brandy stepped over to Max and handed him his drink. “Keep thinking like that and you will find yourself alone. And I don’t want that for you, Mr. Maxwell.” Brandy pondered for a sec with a shot in hand. “Maybe, just maybe you need a vacation.”
“That sounds so good. What do you got in mind?”
“Well, I hear San Francisco is good this time of year.”
Max took a sip of his michelada. “San Fran? I’ve never been before. What’s it like?”
Brandy paused to take another shot. “I’ve never been either but I hear wonderful things. You just might fit in there.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Well, I hear the city has great museums and I know how much you like the arts. And you just might find love there on the docks of the Fishermen’s Warf. It will be romantic.”
“Ooohhh. I like the sound of the Fisherman’s Warf.” Max then took a long pondering sip and sighed, “That will be the day.”
Max finished his drink and shared some laughs with his therapy Mexican buddies (Jody, Gilbert, Albert, Cowboy Sam, Liko, and Senior Sam), and then headed home to purchase tickets to San Fran for a weekend trip. That night Max laid in bed with the dreaded high heart sprain, as he laid sleepless in St. Louis. Later that night as he finally fell asleep he had visions and dreams of founding true love in San Francisco. The following morning came very slowly like a soldier finally coming home from Iraq, but that all changed once he popped in a xanax and had some drinks at the airport. The anxiety of the flight and the anxiety of the treasure hunt for love came and went in a flash as he landed at the SFO, San Francisco International Airport, right on time. Max immediately hopped to the nearest taxi and headed to his hotel. Once at the hotel he didn’t spend any time getting cleaned up, he was on a mission. “Runs With Bunnies,” was tired of being a slave to time without having a special someone in his life.
So Max headed out and hopped out to the nearest bus to the nearest subway to the nearest trolley to check out all the museums and eat at all the fine restaurants he had heard about on the net. Each destination he hopped to he kept a third eye out for Mr. McDreamy. But each time he was disappointed. He went to Haight and Asbury--no luck. Too hippieish he thought and everyone smelled like rotten onions. The next day he went to the Castro District, where he heard there were many gay men but he didn’t meet anyone interesting. As he put it, “There were mostly crack heads there.” That night he hopped back to the hotel slightly disappointed but full of other kinds of treasures--the food, the people watching, the museums, the adventure, and hearing the beat of the city. All he really wanted was to find his lover, so that he could sing his favorite Rod Stewart song “You’re In My Heart” to him. But as the sun began to set, he slowly felt the light slipping away because that night was his last in San Fran. The next morning he woke up in a better mood. He was finally going back home to his things in a matter of hours. Max hopped out of the hotel one last time and went for a hop to the Fisherman’s Warf to check out Alcatraz with the fog lingering over the prison like a bad nightmare. As he stared at the prison he ate the depression away by munching down on a bread bowl clam chowder, and thinking, crying his heart out because yet again his heart had miss the boat. He thought about biting his lip and turning away but he held on for one more minute to catch Alcatraz one last time.
And that minute was all it took. Max received a love tap on his shoulder and a smile grew all over his face and his bunny tail began to wiggle out loud and his ears erected upright. And just before he spun around he thought, “This is it. Thank you, Lord.” Max spun around and standing right behind him were his parents. Tears of volcanic joy smothered his cheeks and steamrolled down to his bunny feet.
“We love you so very much, my little gay bunny.” His parents expressed as they each wrapped their arms around Maxwell “Runs With Bunnies” Honeycutt, the love of their life.
“I love you too, Momma…and Pop.” With his arms wrapped around his parents Max began to cry with complete happiness in his heart and his soul.